Angus Diaries

The Angus Diaries

Day 1:

They say, “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.” (Look it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you%27re_a_dog.)

Of course, they’re not really talking about me, Angus. I am a canine, but I’m not a dog. I’m a poodle. And please don’t call me a French poodle. I hate the French.

No, we poodles come from Germany. Our proper name is Pudelhund. My Papa Pudel instructed me at an early age that if anyone ever called me a French poodle, I should say, “Ich bin ein Pudelhund, echt deutsch.” (He was a great fan of T.S. Eliot’s poetry, but only the German bits; look it up – http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176735.) My Papa also taught me this jolly little song the Germans sing about poodles:

Es war einmal ein Pudelhund
ein Pudelhund
ein Pudelhund.
Es war einmal ein Pudelhund
ein kleine Pudel Hund.
– ein klein Pudel Hund.

Here are some Germans singing about us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw2r1x3mb70. So jolly! It just makes you want to jump up and twirl around, doesn’t it? Yes it does! Ok, I will!

Where was I? Oh, you probably wonder how I got on the Internet? Well, Rocket, the black miniature poodle around the corner, spends most of his spare time on his giant family’s computer. He just told me about this amazing new app. It translates any canine language into any of the major human languages, and I am using it now on Brother Luke’s laptop. The computer’s camera captures all those ever-so-cute little body motions I speak with in my native language. Then through the miracle of modern software, my words are translated into English. Amazing! Now my giant family will understand me better! This is so exciting! Excuse me while I take a little twirl.

What was I talking about – my native language? Just to be clear, I don’t mean Dog. Our language is Pudlische. Very different from Dog. In fact, Pudlische is a dialect of German, adapted of course to adorable poodle anatomy (waggable pom-pom tail, twitchable nose, cutely cocking head, canine vocal chords, etc.).

That’s not to say I haven’t learned a little Dog. Actually, I think there’s only a little Dog to learn. Just a handful of key words – “eat,” “drink,” “pee,” “hump,” “poop,” “bad dog,” maybe a few others. As far as I can tell, Dog seems pretty simple.

Pudlische, on the other hand, is a proper language, just like German or (so they tell me) English. We have lots of words.  More words than I can count. In Pudlische, you can talk about ideas, and that’s what we poodles do, we talk about Big Ideas. No one talks Big Ideas in Dog, not as far as I can tell.

What kind of big ideas do we poodles talk about? How about the Internet! How about this amazing new translation app!! How about blogging!!! Yes, Rocket told me that Brother Luke has started a new blog, and he told me how to find Luke’s blog site on the Internet.

Rocket also said, “Luke’s blog is – how can I put this? – BORING.”

Rocket might be less cranky, in my opinion, if he spent more time scampering around in the yard and less time staring at his computer all day. But I have to agree: Brother Luke’s blog site needs some help. And I am just the poodle to help him. So I am sneaking onto his laptop while he is at work and starting my very own blog on his site. The Angus Diaries! Like the title? I do!

I’m so excited about my new discovery! But I think it has tuckered me out a little. I will retire now to one of my several soft beds for a little nap. But don’t worry, faithful readers, I’ll be back soon! I have so much more to say!

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2 comments on “Angus Diaries

  1. When’s the next Angus Diaries installment?

  2. Johnny Boner Balls

    Who did you pay to write this poodle diary?

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